Cyprian Fernandes: The sweetest love letter

A friend of mine once sent me the note below. I often return to it when I am in the dumps. It is such a beautiful story I thought I might share it with you all.

Dear Cyprian,

My family and I thought that your email was so sincere and beautifully written. You summed up all that he represented so well. Many thanks for your kind words and sentiments from us all.

As you can imagine, having gone through losing your beloved Rufi, I am still in a daze after all that has happened and I just can’t get motivated into doing anything. I feel so empty and miss him so much, especially with Christmas round the corner. Things you take for granted all come to mind now, like there is no one to greet you at the door or share a cup of tea when you get home. There is no one to tell you how nice you look or take care of or cook for.

I miss his warm and tender love, hugs and kisses, his smell, his lovely smile and our little chats at night. I smile sometimes and cry sometimes, mainly tears of joy when I remember all the little things he used to say and do that used to brighten up my day. The songs that we used to love bring back memories and an ache in my heart at the same time. Thank God, we Christians have a hope in Jesus and His Promises so we will all meet again eternally someday. I look forward to that day.

I was indeed privileged and honoured to have had him for my husband, to walk proudly by his side and hold his hand (quite possessively, I might add). My parents loved him and always used to tell me what a nice tall handsome man he was. He boarded with my family in Kampala when he attended Secondary School and was practically raised by my mum. After that, he went to Cardiff, Wales and I went to the Royal College of Nairobi only to find ourselves teaching round the corner from each other on our return home and it was meant to be - our destiny.

I felt really proud to be his wife and I always used to let him know that he was my gift from God as I prayed so hard for him and wanted him with all my heart and soul and when all else was against us, God chose to give him to me. We had such a happy and beautiful life together (after going through hell and high waters with his family). Yes, St Jude, he would tease me. Through all the tragedies and difficulties we faced, we managed to get through together always with God’s help, that I never cease to praise and thank God for the life I have shared with this beautiful gentle loving man who I deeply loved and cherished all my life.

I am so blessed to have had his children who are a source of comfort and great help to me with snippets of their father coming through in each one of them and our grandchildren. I used to ask him why he didn’t pick someone pretty and tall like him and he would say, ‘Don’t you know good things come in small packages? Besides, I always wanted you, too’.

He would remind me of the times he would throw pebbles at me on our way to school (to get my attention he said) and I thought he hated me and how he would purposely kick me under the dinner table with his long legs or accidently touch my fingers whilst playing Carom - little things that meant a lot to us when we were growing up in an era when talking to boys was taboo. Secretly, I was glad he didn’t have a good taste for women as he could have had anyone he wanted but he chose me – all thanks to St Jude.

What a funny kind of a day! Sorry, I got a bit carried away with my thoughts but it has helped to ease the ache in my heart that I have had all afternoon. The passing away of another close friend threw me in the dumps again. I hope you’ll understand and won’t mind my foolishness.

I'll carry his heart in my heart always and I know his spirit will always be around us.

I hope you are doing OK and thanks once again for your lovely email. It was nice for the children to know what others thought of their father.

All the best and God Bless.